Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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