I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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