so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
