i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize