Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
