Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
