i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
