Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
