i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
