Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
