The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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