those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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