I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
