No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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