If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
