I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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