That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
