he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
