apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
