So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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