Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
