32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
