just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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