He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
