dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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