Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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