I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
