That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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