Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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