remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize