it's like iHOP with fire
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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