bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
