we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
