I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
