...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
