I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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