what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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