She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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