A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
