All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
