fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
