you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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