Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
