So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
