I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
