Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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