He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
this is an emotional support booty call
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
