If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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