You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
