Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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