U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
