is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
