I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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