I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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