She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
