Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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