let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
