Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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