if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
