Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
