You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
