And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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