the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
