this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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