super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
