I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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