I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
