I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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