Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
