I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
