Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
