I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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