You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
