I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
