I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
