I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
