I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have aggressive nipples.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
